Don’t bully me: a personal diary
Sunday morning 7.30
Had a bad dream last night. I was running… and running. There was this huge tiger chasing me. I was running faster and faster but I couldn’t get away. It was getting closer and then … I woke up.
I held Flo in my arms. She makes me feel safe – she knows what’s going on. I can tell her. Keep having bad dreams. Didn’t use to be like that. I used to have loads of friends – like Sara and Jenny. Sara asked me to go to the shops but…
School’s been HELL since SHE came. I hate hate HATE her!!! I hate hate HATE her!!!
Sunday evening 20.15
Went to Grandad’s.
Lucy came and we climbed the big tree. We played pirates. School tomorrow. Don’t think I can face it. Go to school and see HER! SHE’LL be waiting. I KNOW she will. Even when she isn’t there I’m scared she’ll come round a corner. Or hide in the toilets like a bad smell. Teachers never check what’s going on in there! If ONLY I didn’t have to go. My cat Flo thinks I’ll be ok.
Monday morning 7.05
I had that dream again. Only this time it was HER who was chasing me. I was trying to run away but she kept getting closer and her hand was just on my shoulder… then I woke up.
I feel sick but I made myself eat breakfast, so mum won’t think anything’s up. Can’t tell anyone. They will think I’m soft and I’m not. It’s just that girl and what SHE does to me.
Monday evening 20.30
SHE was there. Waiting. Just routed the corner from school where nobody could see her. SHE grabbed my arm and it behind my back.
Said if I gave her money SHE wouldn’t hit me. I gave her what I had. I didn’t want to be hit. “I’ll get you tomorrow!” SHE said and pushed me over before she walked off.
It hurt like hell. SHE ripped my favorite trousers!
Told mum I fell over. She sewed them up. I feel like telling Sara or Jenny but they won’t understand!! Glad I’ve got you and Flo to talk to.
Tuesday morning 7.30
Couldn’t sleep last night. Just lay there. Too scared to go to sleep. Too scared I’d have that dream, again. SHE’ll be waiting for me. Why does SHE always pick on ME? I haven’t done anything to her. Must have dropped off, cos next thing mum was waking me. Couldn’t eat breakfast. Gave it to Sam so mum wouldn’t notice.
Tuesday evening 20.00
SHE followed me out of school – all big and tough.
SHE pulled my hair. Wanted to scream but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. “You got my money?” SHE spat at me. Shook my head. “I’ll have this,” SHE snarled, snatching my PE bag, “‘til you give it to me.” I’d love to give it to her! Feel like punching her fat face! What can I do? I can’t hit her cos she’s bigger than me.
I can’t ask mum or dad for the money cos they’ll want to know what it’s for.
Wednesday morning 5.30
Diary, I’ve done something bad. Really bad! If mum finds out I don’t know what she’ll do. But I’ll be in big trouble – for sure. Last night I saw mum’s purse on the table. I was on my own and so I took £5. I’ll put it back as soon as I can. I’ll save my pocket money. I’ll try and earn some money. Hope mum doesn’t miss it. She’ll go mad!
Wednesday evening 19.47
This has been the worst day of my life!!
1st – got told off cos I didn’t have my PE things.
2nd – hadn’t done my homework.
3rd – SHE was by the side gate – waiting.
She twisted my arm and took the money. Threw my bag in the mud.
4th – SHE wants more. I can’t get more.
I’ve already stolen from my mum. I don’t know what to do.
Wish I’d never been born!!
Thursday morning 8.15
I can’t believe it.
Mum’s found out!!
She wanted to know if anybody had seen her £5 note. We all said no. What else could I say? I feel bad, really bad. I hate lying. Mum said she’s taking me to school. At least I’ll be safe ‘til home time.
Thursday evening 18.30
On the way to school mum asked me if I took the money. She looked so sad. I had thought of lying but seeing her face l just couldn’t. I said yes and like a stupid idiot burst into tears. Mum asked why? And I told her about the girl and what she’d been doing to me. I told her how scared I was. I couldn’t stop crying.
Mum held me and hugged me. When I’d called down, she asked, if there was anyone at school l could talk to? I shook my head. She asked if l would like her to talk to my teacher.
Friday morning 6.35
Still woke up real early but I DIDN’T HAVE THAT DREAM!! I feel a bit strange. Know she won’t be in school – they suspended her for a week. What if she’s outside? My teacher said she did it to others – to Jess and Paul. I thought she’d only picked on me. But what happens if she’s there?
Friday evening 20.45
She really wasn’t there!!! I had a talk with a nice lady who said I could talk to her at any time. She said that if anyone is bullying you, you should try and tell somebody. I told Sara and Jenny. Sara said it had happened to her at her last school. Not the money bit but this boy kept picking on her.
We’re all going to look after each other at school so that nobody else will get bullied. Maybe it’ll be ok. When I got home mum made my favorite dinner.
Saturday morning 8.50
No school!! No bad dreams!!
Had a look on the net and there was loads about bullying. I didn’t think that it happened often but it happens all the time! Even to grown-ups and fishes. Did you know that fishes can die from the stress of being bullied?
There are all kinds of helplines and stuff like that – for people, not fishes!! I wish I’d known!
Saturday evening 21.05
Dad took me and Sam to see a film. It was really funny. We had such a laugh. Sam wanted to know why I never told him about what was going on. “I would have smashed her face!” he said. “That would just have made you a bully too!” I told him.
What Ellie found out about bullying:
If you are bullied by anyone in any way IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
NOBODY DESERVES TO BE BULLIED!
NOBODY ASKS TO BE BULLIED!
There are many ways in which somebody can be bullied. Can you name the ways in which Ellie was bullied?
Here is a list of some of the ways children are bullied:
♦ Being teased
♦ Being called names
♦ Getting abusive messages on your mobile phone
♦ Getting hate mail either on email or by letter
♦ Being ignored or left out
♦ Having rumors or lies spread about you
♦ Being pushed, kicked, shoved or pulled about
♦ Being hit or punched or hurt physically in any way
♦ Having your bag or other belongings taken and thrown about
♦ Being forced to hand over money or your belongings
♦ Being attacked because of your race, religion or the way you speak or dress
Ellie found that it helped to keep a diary of what was happening to her. It’s a way of keeping a record of dates and times when things occurred. It’s also a way of not bottling everything up. It is important that you try and tell somebody what is going on.
Maybe you could try talking to a friend who you trust.
Maybe you could try talking to your mum or dad, sister or brother.
Maybe there is a teacher at school who you feel comfortable talking to.
Most schools have an anti-bullying policy and may have somebody (like the kind lady Ellie mentions in her diary) to talk to.
Ellie’s secret diary: don’t bully me
London, Mantra Lingua, 2004